im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
