omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
