I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I need to calm my uterus...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
