Even the bartender felt bad for me
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
