Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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