Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
a search helicopter?!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
