ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
