when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
