Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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