is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
