I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
