I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
