How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
