His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
