just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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