Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
