my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
