Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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