he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So much rum. So many feels.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
