I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
