Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
