You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
