I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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