she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
