I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
