I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
