If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
