I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
