I love black thongs
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
