glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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