how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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