I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
as a side note pls kill me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
