dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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