At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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