Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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