do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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