I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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