So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
