Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
