he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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