I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
