I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
