1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
