I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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