i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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