Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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