OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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