Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
