also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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