Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
