I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
