i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
