I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
